Dear Dylan,

I never wanted things to end this way between us, but I know that this is best for everyone. I just need you to know that I love you. You have been the most amazing friend anyone could ask for. You taught me so much and have always been there for me without hesitation. I could not ask more. I think back to all of the great times we had with a heavy heart, but a smile on my face. I will never regret calling you one of my best friends. Although, I do not want you to worry about me. I am strong, and I know I can make it through. I just want you to be strong for yourself. You are one of the few people in the world that I care about most in the world. I would hate to see you lose yourself. I want you to promise that you will always live for YOU and no one else. Never stop chasing your dream. No matter what gets in the way.

With love and best wishes,

Jaden

Oh no. Not again.

I do not exactly have a "role model" or a "hero" in my life. Although if I had to choose a person that I admire I would have to choose Sarah Dessen. Like I have said before in older posts, she is my favorite author. Her books make me happy, and sad. They make me hate and love, but most of all they make me feel, something I try not to do often. They make me think and feel things that I don't want to face. I love her for so much more than just her writing though. Of course I wish I could write half as well as she can, but I also wish I had her lifestyle. She is happily married with children, living in North Carolina. She also graduated with Honors in Creative Writing. This is what I have always wanted to do when I was older. I want to write and make people happy with my book. I want people to feel the connection with the characters like I do in Sarah's book. I hope I can get the chance to meet her one day and let her know how much she has impacted my life.

Southern Comfort Zone

If I could live anywhere in the world I would live in Tennessee.  My grandpa lives in the mountains of Tennessee and as far back as I can remember I have always loved being there. All of the mountains and greenery make me feel at home and at peace. I love hiking in deep wood and suddenly coming across wildlife and beautiful scenery. It would be amazing to wake up and sit on the porch while watching the sun come up, or being able to see all of the stars at night without those annoying city lights. Although I would love to live in the secluded mountains, I also really enjoy the bustling city of Nashville. Even though I have never actually been to Nashville, I still think I would enjoy it. Nashville is known for being one of the best music cities, which is right up my alley. Nashville is also home to Vanderbilt University, which is a College I am considering applying for. I think living outside of Ohio will be a good step for me. There is not anything left here for me, I  just hope to find my southern comfort zone.

If money were no object..

What would you want to be and why would you want to be that? This question has given me a lot to think about. I never knew exactly what I wanted to be so this gave me the opportunity to really step back and think. I finally realized, if i could be anything I would be an author. I love reading and writing with all my heart and I would love to touch people with my writing like other authors have done for me.

Oy vey holidays...

The holidays and I have a love/hate relationship. Looking at all the lights reflecting off of the newly fallen snow while listening to Christmas music snuggled up in mittens and scarves  I love that. I honestly can not get enough of it. I wish it would be endless winter. On the other hand, holidays often involve family. I am not AT ALL a family person. I could live a perfectly happy life without seeing them. It sounds terrible but it is true... I do not enjoy my family, they are a bunch of loud, obnoxious, showy, whiny people. Again, it sounds terrible but it is true. My family has a lot of issues, more than I want to get into. Thus the reason I am trying my hardest not to be home this holiday season. If everything went my way I would read 100 books and sleep for days, unfortunately I can not do said things because my mom says I "have to be social". Hopefully the holidays won't kill me this year, I just have to keep thinking about the pumpkin rolls I get to eat.

All of the Lights

    We live in a very modern world. Our world absolutely depends on electricity; laptops, cell phones, TVs, washers, dryers, and much, much more all depend on electricity. So image a world without electricity. What is there to do? Go outside? Play a board game? This all sounds old fashioned to us nowadays, but this is because families do not take the time to turn off their devices and actually have family time. So if the entire world were suddenly and completely cut off billions of people would be lost.
    I would most miss the lights. Of course, the first few days I would miss my cell phone, or my TV shows, but I can definitely live without them. On the other hand, I would miss my lights right away. I do not like being in the dark, at all. I am actually kind of afraid of the dark... I use the lights when there is no more sunlight left outside. Of course if it came down too it I could use candles, but as I stated, I am afraid of the dark and candles do not give off enough light for my standards. For me, lights are not just for keeping the monsters away during the night, I find so much beauty in looking at a lit up skyline, or twinkling Christmas lights on a snowy house. People often take lighting for granted because it is so easily available. For example, when stumbling around in the dark its much easier to flip a switch than fumbling around for a candle and a match. Even thought lights are very use full they can also be very expensive and waste a lot of electricity, which is exactly why I make it a point to turn off the lights when they are not in use, and save as much electricity for future generations.

Oh Sarah...

   I have read thousands of books in my short 15 years, but one books stands apart from all the rest. Just Listen by Sarah Dessen is my favorite book of all time. The story is about a young girl named Annabel Green. She seems to have the perfect life, but on the inside she is falling apart. Her sister has an eating disorder, her mom is crippling from depression, and she can not tell ANY one  not even her ex-bestfriend, what happened at the party that summer.
   I do not know why I fell in love with this book so much. I do not see myself in Annabel, though I see myself as wanting to be Annabel. Sarah Dessen does a fantastic job making all of her characters very relatable. Dessen is also probably my favorite author, because I own all 10 of her books and have read most of them more than once. Her writing makes me crave more and inspires me to write. My mother actually got me started reading Dessen and I have been addicted ever since. I own a book that was signed by her, though I have never actually met her. I would give anything to met her and let her know how much her and her books have meant to me.

Pathways in Life

           Everyone has intrinsic and extrinsic motivations in life. Intrinsic means internal motivation and extrinsic meaning external motivation. The decision to follow your intrinsic or extrinsic values is personally deciding which one is more important in life. In the poem “After Apple Picking” Robert Frost dives into a deeper meaning of goals in life. Through the use of imagery, Frost not only creates pictures of the hard and strenuous work the narrator does, but also the outcome of all the hard work in life.

            Frost’s use of imagery in the poem gives the reader a mental image of the hard work the narrator experiences. For example, Frost states “My instep arch not only keeps the ache/It keeps the pressure of a ladder-round/I feel the ladder sway as the boughs bend.” (l. 21-23). In these lines the deeper meaning of what Frost indirectly states that the narrator feels the aching in his feet from working tirelessly all day. He also puts detail into explaining the feel of the latter swaying underneath his feet and feeling the latter bend as he stands on it all day. This is just one explanation of the strenuous work the narrator does.

            Frost also uses imagery to explain how all of the hard work has affected him, and the choices he made in life. In the poem Frost states “For I have had too much/Of apple-picking: I am overtired/Of the great harvest I myself desired.” (l. 27-29) This is explain how the narrator is exhausted by the goals he wants to achieve in his life. He could possibly be stressed out by trying and trying by never fulfilling his want or need before his time is over.

            As stated before, Robert Frost digs deep into searching for what people really want out of life. He makes his readers think about the want or need in a persons life and asks them the question “What do you love to do in life?” If I had to choose something to do for the rest of my life, I would choose writing. I love to write anything; poems, lyrics, but mostly stories. That would be the one thing I would do if money were no object.

Icy Flames?

In class we are writing an essay on "After Apple Picking" by Robert Frost. I enjoyed the poem but I thought it would be nice to share my favorite poem by him (and possible my favorite poem of all time). I hope you enjoy (:

"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,  
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice."

The Unchangeable

      I live with no regrets. Life is too short to constantly wish you had a do-over, so I make sure that I am happy with the choices I make. Although, I did not start living this lifestyle until I was a bit older and I was aware of the choices and consequences of life. It is not everyday that someone asks you "If you could change one thing that has happened in life, what would it be?"
      This has been a surprisingly difficult subject for me to write about, because the one thing I regret and want to change is something I do not enjoy talking about. It is not something I could even change if given the chance. It happened and that is that. No external force could has possibly made the outcome any different. But, IF I could change the unchangeable, I would go back and make sure my sister was born.
       I know that everyone has "their time" and death is inescapable but I wish I would have known her. I wish she would have gotten a chance to see the world and know how much her family loves her. I wish she could have opened her eyes at least once to see the world. Then we could finally know the color of her inexperienced eyes.
   It pains me to think of the "what if's". What if everything would have gone smoothly? What if we took her home? What if she grew up to be beautiful and smart? It pains me so much I have force myself to stop thinking sometimes. That is one of the main reasons I live with no regrets, I do not have time to sit around and imaging what times would have been like. Things happen for a reason. I have come to accept that, it took me a while, but I finally accepted it.

   

On My Honor

        When I got this assignment it was an extremely easy choice for me. My favorite hobby would have to be Girl Scouts. I started  Scouts when I was 5 years old. Every 1st grade girl gets a letter home about Girl Scouts when she is that young. My mom thought it would be a good opportunity for me, so it all began.
         Over my 11 years of being in Scouts I have done MANY things. I have facilitated hundreds of programs, helped thousands of girls, hiked miles and miles in the deep woods, and earned important awards. I am currently a Senior Girl Scout, after my 10th grade year I will be an ambassador Girl Scout. Ambassador is the last rank of girl scouting possible, then when you turn 18 (if you still decide to stay in) you will be a Adult Volunteer.
     Scouting is way more than selling cookies like most people think. It can become a lot of hard work,  because once you get to be a certain age in scouting you are no longer "doing crafts" and "playing games". You become the older girl that helps the little ones with their crafts. You become the one cooking Chili on an open fire for 100+ girls. You become the one that spends over 7 hours a week devoted to planning programs and thinking of new, exciting things to do.
     This is my favorite part of Scouting. I love working with the little girls and coming up with new events for them to go to. I love teaching younger girl the values and morels they should have in life. I love being the person they look up to and I hope they think "Wow, I want to be just like her when I grow up"  I recently started a group for high scout girl scouts, since we are a rarity. Currently in the group we are planning a Halloween Party for about 175 girls. I think it is so much fun to decide what games to play and what prizes to give out.
      I love Scouting. It has become a HUGE part of my life over the years. I know that even when I graduate I will still be involved. I hope to get my lifetime membership when I turn 18. That means that for the rest of my life I will be a registered Girl Scout. It brings me joy knowing that my blood will forever be green.

Paradise City

     This is has been very difficult subject for me to write about, because music has impacted my life so much. It took me all week to think of a way to attack this assignment, but I think I finally figured it out.
I love ALL types of music. Every genre and type of music could be found on my iTunes. I listen to everything from country to hip hop, and classical to rock 'n' roll. I also have a favorite artist and a favorite song in every single category so it makes it extremely hard for me to choose.
    I finally chose classic rock. I enjoy classic rock very very much. It was the music I grew up listening to and the music I still listen to on a daily base. Most of the bands/groups I love from is category are Guns N Roses, The Eagles, Queen, Def Leppard, The Beatles, Areosmith, Lynyrd Skyard, Pink Floyd and honestly the list could just keep going. I find comfort and joy in older music like this, because it just makes me happy and takes me to my childhood. It reminds me of my mom quizzing me in the car when I was younger and giving me a dollar every time I guessed the band correctly.
     This genre of music has helped me through many situations in my life and it gives me inspiration to keep going. I just hope that future generations get a chance to experience this music. I hope it impacts them as much as it has impacted me.

To Care or Not to Care.

       I have noticed that the question "Should the government provide child care for working parents?" sparks a lot of controversy, not only for parents but people of all ages. I personally believe that the government should provide child care. Every parent needs someone to watch over their child while they work, but some people can not afford it on their own. For example, a single parent with a low paying job might not be able to afford to pay someone or have any family members to watch their kid every day. I know my mom was very lucky that my aunt was available to watch me during the day because my mom worked from morning to night.
       Another reason I believe child care should be provided is that it keeps children safe and productive. If they were at home by themselves while their parents were at work, it would not only be unsafe but also unhealthy. At least while the children were at day care they could run around and play or do something educational. I believe should put aside the thought of "paying more taxes" and start thinking about building up future generations.

My little angel

Lindsey Grace Cataldo. 5.5 ounces. 17inches. Red hair. Born June 5th 2005. Died June 5th 2005.

     I never really knew how much losing her would affect me back then. I just knew that she was gone and it was a terrible thing. The only way I knew it was terrible is because of all of the sympathetic looks I would get from teachers and family members. I was excused from homework and even had teachers personal phone numbers if I needed anyone to talk to. Of course, being only 9 years old I thought of it as a privilege. Now that I'm older and more informed I think about her a lot. I mostly think about what could have been. How beautiful she would have turned out to be. How smart she would have been. How her personality would have differed from mine. Would we be extremely close and share everything? Or would I hate her like my friends hate their younger siblings?
      I consider myself to have a pretty bad memory of my childhood. I heard that it's a defense mechanism your brain uses to block out traumatic events, which is ironic because I remember that day like is was yesterday. I vividly remember my mom calling me the night of June 4th. I was spending the night at my cousins house when she called. "Do you want to come to the hospital with me?". I said no. This is the biggest regret I have in life. I remember my great aunt coming over the next day. I assumed it would be to pick me up and take me to see my new baby sister. Instead she sat me down outside my cousins apartment and calmly explained that my sister was not alive. I remember holding my mom as she cried in the hospital bed. I remember my uncle, always strong and never showing emotion, crying his heart out. Chain smoking on the curb of the hospital parking lot. All of these memories are too much sometimes but that is because I keep them bottled up. I don't talk about her to anyone... Not my family. Not my friends. I keep her to myself, like a prized treasure only meant for myself.
     The same day she was born/died the butterflies I was raising hatched out of their chrysalises. I released all 5 Painted Lady butterflies at her funeral 3 days later. I see them all the time, they have been following me for the past 7 years. They are the only way I know shes with me all the time. No matter where I am or what I am doing she is right there. She is my guardian angel.

Friendship is Magic

   At first when Mr. Juarez assigned this I thought 'Crap.. I don't value anything!'. Then I sat down and actually thought about what the word 'values' meant to me, and to me valuing something is caring or loving something so much that you would possibly give your life for that one thing. I mean I really do love my animals and my books but would I give my life for them? No, but the one thing I would die for is friendship.
   Friendship means everything to me, more than anything else in this world. I have made a family with  my friends. A kind of relationship that is certainly very special, and a once in a lifetime opportunity. Sure I have my REAL family, but they do not understand me like some of my bestfriends do. My friends know everything about me and they still love me no matter what I am going through. I do not let them know as often as I should that I truly do love them, and I would not be alive without them.

personal...

So, I've had all sorts of things bouncing around in my head for days that I've been dying to get out on here.. The only problem is I don't know how much I can say without getting in trouble at school... So I'm just gonna post whatever I feel like until I get in trouble c;

Warped Tour

  This past summer wasn't as eventful as I would have liked it to be, but I still did a lot of things that were very exciting. I went to Vans Warped Tour for the first time this year. Warped Tour is a huge music festival with about 7 stages and over 80 bands passing through. It was such an amazing time, mostly because I went with my bestfriend and I got to see some of my favorite bands perform live and also find some new favortie bands. The best part of the day was probably when I got to meet the members of a band that I really like. I even got their autographs.
  It was honestly one of the best days of my life. I felt like I belonged there. Like no one could tell me what to do or how the music was suppose to affect me. It was just my bestfriend and I worshiping band members we can never have and dancing to the music we love. It was truly amazing, even though my mom was there...

Lost

Im lost.

I'm wandering around in the darkness,

the freezing bitter cold.

I'm so alone.

I'm walking around interacting with everyone with a smile on my face, 

while crying on the inside.

I'm so lost.

Everyone thinks I have it made.

Everyone thinks I have everything perfect and that I'm always happy.

They don't know I cry myself to sleep almost every night.

I feel like im on a never ending merry-go-round..

Spinning.

Turning.

Faster.

Faster.

I can't make it stop no matter how loud I scream.

I'm invisible to the world. 

They see only what I put on the outside. 

I'm careful to give them the right impression.

I wear the right clothes, do my hair, and even put on makeup.

While the real me is a zombie inside.

I promise myself that one day I'll be better.

That I'll be happy again.

I don't know when that will be..

I just hope it's before the light inside me fades out.

Quiet Place.

Way to often we get caught up in social networking. "she said this!" and "he said that!" and "did you see that picture she posted?" We can't help it. Its just a part of human nature nowadays. I found this website that I love to go to when I feel like I'm being stressed out by all of the connections we have.. please go take a look. Here <3

It's Just Me

Jaden

It's a Hebrew name

originally spelled 'Jadon'

but that's not where I got it from.

I got my name from someone have never met,

and someone my mom barely knows.

It's funny that when was younger

my mom use to call me Princess Jadon.

She called me that not knowing the history of the name.

It made me feel special.

like I was apart of some kind of hierarchy,

like Cinderella must have felt on the night of the ball. 

Jaden means "God has heard"

What is that suppose to mean..?

What could he possible have heard..?

Mom says he heard her prayers to the angels,

but I don't buy it.

I enjoy being the only Jaden in my class, 

and in my school.

Although,

 I am doleful my name is becoming more and more common.. for boys.

It makes me resentful,

especially when its spelled wrong.

I honestly do love my name though. 

I love it like a bee loves honey.

My name is uncommon, creative, and different,

just like the way I like to think I am.

Extroverted but not over the top.

My Number One Rule.

My Number One Rule.

 There are many rules out there that I think are important, but the number one rule I live by is don't judge others. I believe this is extremely important rule because a lot of people (mostly kids our age) are influenced by what other people think about them. So, often times people don't get to really be themselves because they are so pressured about 'fitting in'.

  Another reason I don't judge people is because you don't know what that person has been through or what they are currently going through. Way too often I have been judged just because of the look on my face. Sometimes I have a look on my face that other people will read as "mean" or "hateful" but in reality I'm perfectly fine. Honestly, it sucks being judged on what your appearance is. So the next time you see a girl walking down the hallway in old tore up clothes or a guy with tattoos and piercing, maybe you should try to think about life from their point of view.